SKIN

I had a little moment with myself this morning.

I was staring at myself in the mirror in the hallway after a pee in the bathroom. Then I got stuck there. Not as much me as the light – I fell in love with the light, not myself (ok, maybe a little…). I just happened to be there.

Suddenly and spontaneously I grabbed my camera on the bureau and started to make photos of my body-parts. Looking through the cameras LCD reflection in the mirror. Very mind-bending being both a model and photographer and a tripod at the same time figuring out how to capture what I saw and try to create.

Then I realized.

This body is in slow decay. Slowly changing. The skin looks and behaves differently. The shape of yesterday s different today. I was contemplating just as much about this as trying how to make photos of it. I’m growing old I assume. Better do it with pride and keep on training and live as healthy as possible, without making life more boring than necessary.

May sound a little bit sad and devastating. But actually not at all. Rather a very interesting and mindful insight. Time is nothing we can avoid without making it into an enemy. Life is time, time is life. Accept and calibrate, move your mindset, learn to love yourself as you are. Time makes things change. That’s a part of the game.

You may see a detail on my shoulder/arm. That’s a nicotine patch. Quit smoking was a piece of cake once upon a time (20+ years ago) compared to quit snuffing (that Swedish tobacco stuff you put under your lip, called “snus”). More than twenty years of this lovely shit under my lip, the heavy hardcore stuff – loose.

I have tried quitting several times before and failed. But this time actually feels better than ever. Never tried it this way before. Probably also more determined this time, mostly because it’s fucking expensive, not for health reasons. Three weeks now, fighting my addicted cravings.

Since some time back I have also revived my vegetarian lifestyle. Mostly for ethical and environmental reasons and a standpoint in general. No dogma. I’m not a total vegetarian and not even close to vegan, that’s a bit too much hardcore for me.

Strangely I don’t miss my meat very much at all. I also try to avoid eggs, for a reason. Do you know what happens to most male born chickens? The way we treat our animals and the nature to satisfy our food-cravings is absurd and sick in general. Being involved just a little bit less is better than doing nothing.

Trying to grow old with pride in myself and my actions. Just a little more is always better than nothing.