Substation

We don’t have subways in Gothenburg. But we have a substation.

I have been there once before, without a reason. Now I have been there twice, without a reason.

That was a lie. This time I had photography as a reason.

It was like a forgotten abandoned place. Not even advertising on the walls. Did I miss something on my way down?

Not a soul, then some.

For a moment, then back to empty mosaic space.

I think I want to visit this place again. Now I know more about its pulsating nature between awakening and sleep.

 

the Art of Seeing

Debriefing, free breathing the art of reflections, and the holy ghost…

There are physical reflections, and there are mental reflections.

When I make photography, I do it because I feel somewhat of an attraction to the scene I want to catch, at least trying to. Sometimes it’s a more subconscious response of instinct or a spontaneous idea, a vague intuitive feeling of something worth just shooting.

Back home when I post process my photos. I do it again.

But now my catch is concealed forever as it went. I can’t change the content in the scene. I can’t remake the action.

But what I can do is changing the mood. And this can change the scene radically in many different emotional directions. I’m seldom satisfied with just “cleaning up the photos” to technically look better.

Back home my emotional connections rarely are the same as when I made the shots. I see everything slightly differently, sometimes very different, sometimes I don’t find what I thought I saw, sometimes I discover things I didn’t saw. Time affects your mood and impressions.

I’m post processing my mind.

I like to cover my photos with a layer of my personal mood. I like to bend the appearance of the original reality. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

I like to blend the nature of both documenting the ordinary reality with the artistic freedom to strengthen the appearance in one or another direction.

I’m not a fan of creating photos with a consistent identity. Or, maybe I should say; I get bored very quickly in predictable squares.

My mind is a creative mess of discovery joy. And the right mood is very important in this process to keep my motivation happy. I have always been attracted to possible what if’s and can’t resist trying new ideas and different approaches.

For me, what I feel is far more important than what I see.

 

 

 

 

 

Last supper

… before my time out of control is forced back into control. This was it, the grand vacation of the year. Four weeks spent in freedom with When, Where, How, Who, What and Why, almost by myself.

Very simple, nothing big, but very nice in general. Nothing will ever be any better than you make it. So you better make it.

I’ve seen more of my nearby surroundings during this time than I have done for years together. Thanks to my camera, my cycle, my shoes, and of course some bus and tramp rides.

A tip worth trying if you feel stuck in life – buy a camera and start document life through the lens. Whatever, just shoot it.

This probably maybe last world tour trip of my vacation went on to quite a long ride in scrambled directions. At least 40km by wheels and another 10 by foot. But I apparently I enjoyed the travel more than making photos of it.

That’s a good sign. I have become a little bit too addicted to making photos from time to time, and some more in between. I even dream about photography at nights. I don’t think that’s a good sign.

But it felt scary when I got back home and started to wonder after some hours if I shouldn’t get out for a little ride again, just a short one. I didn’t.

Somehow I need to begin focusing on life without the need of making photography every minute. Otherwise, I will put me in risk of creating myself an imaginary jail. Stuck in a place that only makes you suffer. You can never run away from now without getting bruises in your heart and mind.
You need to take good care of now. Now is where you live.

When thinking about it. Freedom is nothing… and as soon as you need or want something, you are no longer free. And as nothing is an impossible condition for life, you will never be free. Until you become nothing.

Freedom is nothing but an imaginary condition. So let us create your freedom. What other condition is better. Yeah! Now I’m flipping out here.

Now I kinda lost my thread…

So let’s talk about the weather. That always works when there’s nothing else to talk about. It has been mostly really good actually (dead end).

For this special last supper final, I got into my rough post processing mood. I have been quite neat to my photos lately, mostly. And I really like trying to replicate that analog film touch. As good as I can and want it to look like. Probably because I’m grown up with cameras in the analog era. Some kind of nostalgic issue.

I love the digital evolution. Definitely, but. As I have said before. Digital photos tend to feel a little bit too technical perfect sometimes. That disturbs my sense of life. Flaws make photos feel more perfect, emotionally. And that means more to me.

I have and will probably never be consistent in my style. Sometimes I’m into low contrast, sometimes hard, sometimes slightly faded and desaturated, sometimes the opposite, sometimes B/W and so on. I change, that’s it. I refuse to nail my style to create some kind of personal identity.

Well, that’s my style and identity. So I think I have nailed it, shit!

See you soon again. But probably not so often as it has been last month. Love you all, whoever you are.

Found a missing link today

Much better. Even if I really didn’t make that much photography as I thought. I fell upon an even better mood, actually.

The feeling of here and now. So I wasn’t thinking that much about making photos all the time. It made me feel more free and satisfied. I enjoyed life more than getting photos of it.

It’s easy to forget when your craving addiction for photography hits you.

Better for better photos, maybe not, but definitely more valuable utilization of your time, according to me. Better for your mind. More mindfulness. And in a crowded town full of action everywhere this mindset suits me better in the long term.

Don’t worry, be happy. You can’t be everywhere all the time anyway. You will miss things, but you will find something else probably worth far more.

In these days an extraordinary huge event that occurs every year is going on in Gothenburg – Gothia Cup. The largest and most international youth soccer tournament in the world is going on. Every year more than 1700 teams from 80 nations participate. It all began 1975 and keeps on growing every year.

The big recreational square of Heden in the middle of Gothenburg is one of the highlight spots of this event. Beyond that, practically every soccer ground in Gothenburg and neighboring cities are occupied during this event.

Unfortunately, I’m not a huge fan of soccer. So for me this is just a fun happening, but not more than that. But I actually enjoyed the atmosphere of being here, and where I spent most of my time this day.

When I finally left for a walk to other sceneries, before heading home, my mood was in perfect condition and I enjoyed every second. Then I left when I still felt as best.

I could have made a lot of more photography, but I wasn’t prior it at all. So I really didn’t get that many shots today. But I’m definitely satisfied good enough. Especially with the mood of the day.

Somewhere else – the hip factor

Today I give you two posts. Just a mishap – the former post got stuck and forgotten in draft mode. But that’s just good because of they kind of stick together.

Feels good to be back from the dead. Almost there, just some more breaths then I hope to be alive again.

Another brutal 24-hour migraine marathon done. And another 24 drowsy hours to recover. I can still hear the ghosts mourning in the depths of my head.

Yesterday was better until I got caught. Solar energy and thousands of people, mostly tourists I think. Yes, I’m in the crowded people mood again. Sort of. Still get tired all too quickly in crowds and easily slowly lose my concentration. I’m actually not surprised why I finally got my headache. I refused the warning and forced myself to be there.

But I started calmly behind the stage, watching the world from a more distant view. Wondering, What today?

It mostly became a lot of “hip shots”, again. Well actually “gut shots” – my neck strap isn’t that long. So it hangs in about gut height. And that’s good. They say shooting from your gut is good, trust your gut feeling. I guess I may not understand what they mean. What’s so good about that, I don’t understand…

I’m joking, hope you understood that 😉

One reason is that I have lost some of my former self-esteem. I’m back in that slightly uncomfortable mood again. In street photography, particularly at close range, it’s of utter importance to be consistent and keep on challenging yourself if you want to preserve and evolve your skills.

It’s actually not that bad, but not that good either. I have been a bit careless with my street photography achievements when it comes to the feeling of facing people in the streets.

At the same time, besides this little loss, I think that shooting from the hip, or from any angle in blindness, is a good skill to know. And I need to practice some more because I really suck at it. You never know when there will come a moment when it fits better. So this is a skill worth knowing how to handle.

Other nice things about hip shot shooting are that you definitely never hesitate and will catch many interesting candid snapshot moments.

But I better put this hip mode on the shelf for a while. At least not doing it so often as I have done lately. It’s not good for me.

Bad self-esteem is not a good reason to do hip photography. It can actually strengthen that uncomfortable feeling instead. If you never try to break free and challenge yourself you may get stuck in that stealthy hip mode. But I won’t say it’s wrong either. If you like it, I say go with it.

There are moments when one way is better than the other. In time you will find out when which suits best. But I would say mainly facing the world openly is the best way in the long term if you want to evolve both yourself and your photography.

The big problem, for me, is when I do too much stealth photography too often, I apparently become lazy in my mindset and approach. And I have done it too much, too often lately. First it was fun, then it felt nice and comfortable not bother being spotted, then I got zombified.

Today I woke up during this hip mode with a feeling of not being there. I didn’t feel any passion, more like an insensible shadow with a gadget that says click. It kind of erased the connection between me the camera and the world. I could as well put an action camera on me and just walk on, then pick some moments back home.

I usually never say “taking photos”, I prefer “making photos”. For me, it’s a big difference. I don’t take photos, I make photos. But this actually felt like taking photos, randomly collecting pictures in the streets.

I got some nice shots anyhow anyway. But I need more of the passion of being here and now as a photographer when I make my photos.

It’s for sure a nice way to hide your intentions, or when circumstances make it a better choice. But be aware, only in small doses. It’s definitely not a good way to evolve your photography skills, at least not the heart and soul of photography.

Learn how to use it, not abuse it.

I think a more proper and creative way of exploring your intentions is to learn to react more spontaneous, intuitive and faster. And learn how to aim and shoot without looking when you want to catch the scene from a different angle – without the need of sneaking. Or just use your body if you want to get low.

My Fuji X100T has a fixed LCD screen so I’m not spoiled with this tilting feature many cameras usually have.

Tomorrow… today. This is not an instant blog of the day. I’m too slow. Today I will hit the streets again and try to find myself a better suited mindset and approach. And try to not get any migraine.

We and You

A small collection from a small trip to my old friend Gothenburg.

Even in very short simple meetings you catch-up finding a lot of interesting things going on around your head.

Like the man in the sky. Suddenly he was just standing there.

What about my sour back/hip/leg? Somehow I didn’t felt a thing today, like gone with the wind. I don’t know much more than happines about it and forget it.

Shit happens

… and sometimes it’s spelled Pain.

Hello spinal disc my old friend, so you have come to hug me once again. I just need to reset my mood, so I can leave it behind and go on, at least mentally.

A split second out of focus at my training, doing my usual deadlifts, just a fingertip away from the ground in my last rep done. Not even heavy compared to what I usually lift.

A flashing snap ran through my right leg. Yes, wow and shit that felt. First I thought that a muscle was ripped. But then I realized how the sensation felt and behaved, that it probably was my sciatica that got squashed.

I have an old spinal disc herniation in my lower back since before. And now you think something like – Stupid bastard doing heavy barbell deadlifts, suit yourself. Maybe. But deadlifts have been the undisputed best training method and medicine against a bad back I have ever tried.

There’s only one catch – it can be bad if you fail bad. I happened to nail that fail in a blink of an eye. It’s a dance on the edge. But I don’t regret a second of my thousands of deadlifts. It was my head that caused this shit, not the barbell.

However. Almost a week and still feels like crap. I cant walk very far until it begins to hurt so annoying bad that I just have to stop and make funny moves. Standing is just as bad. And the mornings are ridiculous. It takes about two hours of crazy hurtful crippled funny walking before the leg comes back to more normal function.

Doctor? No idea to bother, not much that I already know what to do about it. Wait… and move your ass, and train, as much as possible. It usually calms down by itself, so you just need to be patient and have mentally pain endurance. But if nothing changes to the better after some weeks of waiting, visiting a doctor probably is a good choice how to continue the adventure.

So I wait and try to live as normal as possible. Even get out to make some photography. But long photo walks, forget it. That’s not possible. I have to move mostly by cycling and make only small walks in between. Cycling actually works excellent, just feel a little bit more tiredness in the bad leg, but it doesn’t make any pain.

But for sure, this circumstance have made me feel a bit low for some days now and left me with an annoying restless apathy in the corner.

I need to get out from my bad body and mind. So I did. Today my leg felt no better at all, but I made my head a little happier.

 

 

I’ll be back

Follow Anything on a Pink bike

Beware! This is an awfully long post. Divided into two chapters. Many words needed to come out. I think I’m processing my mind this way. Read and look, or just look.

Chapter One

The coming to find you, out there

It’s a funny thing – your mind. Well, at least the one in my head. Luckily I don’t think I’m alone. At least not me myself and I…

For some day ago I went out on my pink Fixie bike. Yeah, I like fixed gear. Although cheap one, but it works wonderful great.

As usually, no particular direction in mind. Sit up and go with the flow. Never know when to turn left or right, straight forward, backtrack or just stand still.

It’s fun as long as you don’t need something particularly on your way to happen but whatever happens, happen. It’s more exciting than knowing where to go and what to expect. Unless you know something fantastic is going to happen.

But that seldom happens. And that’s actually good because when it does, it really becomes fantastic.

As you may understand this post was born in the same unpredictable manner as usually when I don’t really know what. I have a bunch of new photos I would like to post. I could skip the writing and just say ye and yo and share them. But sometimes I have a strange craving need of touch the letters on my keyboard and see what I can do with them.

I will begin with the obvious reason about my day and my shots. And just as I wrote in the beginning, I took my bike for a no big deal random urban exploring, in any direction.

Gothenburg is changing a lot, and more to come in the future. Construction and reconstruction everywhere. Changes needed to be done and nothing to bother about if you live in a big city.

Everything changes, so you better cope in one or another way and collect memories while you live here and now.

I began my route on the side of which none but those who live or work here visit – KallebĂ€ck. It’s on the “wrong” side of the roads if you say so. Not natural in any way to just drive through without a purpose. Probably nice but nothing remarkable for the uninvited.

Found more peace but not much to shoot in Örgryte, which is the natural way away if you don’t want to go back where you came from. But it wasn’t until at the end of the northern parts of this area I began to feel attraction to shoot.

Still, all way so far worth the travel. Because I never go out anymore just only to make photos. It’s for sure a nice reason, but not the purpose. The main purpose is to get out, look around discover and where are we now. Mindfulness my way.

And I have always been a slow starter in most things I do.

My favorite site for the day during this undirected trip was probably the quay of Gullbergsvass which houses a private boat society, but all open to the public to visit. I knew about its existence but never been here before.

Here you find loads of old, mostly retired, boats of all kind and conditions along the quay. Probably lots of projects never made finished, never will be finished or maybe just keep them alive and floating as long as possible, as recreation. But some seems to be in functional condition. A rough and slightly trashy place, but lovely charming. A wonder that places like this still exist.

I could stay for longer and made loads of more shots, but I was more in my passing through mood, just get what I saw on my way. I will come back someday and explore more of the river called SĂ€veĂ„n that connects to the big river of Göta Älv. As I happen to know, there are some nice hidden pearls to find there too

I have actually never visited any of the sites I found today, except some that probably was at least 30 years ago. Like this building that once used to be a hotel.

The funny thing is that also then, the visit was connected to photography. In my teens, I was working at a photo shop in another city far away, and I was invited to some kind of reseller arrangement of photo products. Today it holds a detox unit for addicts, but looks more like it’s on its way down.

Otherwise, much traveling between industrial areas, under bridges, roads, roads and more roads, and water. In between, definitely not the most fun places to be, but well worth the trip, in between. The feeling of unknown actually makes the regular boring somehow exciting.

And you never know where and when something pops up that makes a photo.

Chapter Two 

The story of post processing photos through a scrambled egg

Thoughts, so many thoughts. Everywhere all the time. What are they thinking about when I don’t listen to them?

I think I listen too much.

And I think too much, about everything. I wish there was a switch somewhere to turn me off totally sometimes. At least a reset button. Well, I actually can, but I would like a real deep long total shutdown from time to time. Not just bore me to death (which just creates more thinking).

I’m way too confused about what I want for my own good. I wish that I knew what I wanted and could stick to a plan. But that will never happen. 51 years, and still just as curious about what if, as I was a baby who just needs to put everything in its mouth.

In my world, wrong doesn’t exist, just one million ways of different rights. Quick and effective post processing. It’s almost impossible. It Actually is. I have just learned to deal with it. Knowing that it will never be better than for the moment.

So, how many moments are there…

I have never, yet, found a style I feel that I want to stick to. That would be nice. But as long as I don’t feel anything but for the moment. I will keep on changing my mind.

For this particular moment, I went more scrambled than usually in my head. After a long fight, I suddenly got the idea of making some shots in black and white also, or instead. Just for curiosity, and I liked it.

During this process, I slowly began to feel that I wasn’t really satisfied with my chroma photos I just thought I was finished with. So all of a sudden I was doing both a remake and monochromes simultaneously.

Strangely, this was apparently what I needed to find my way home. The other one gave birth to the other one of how I finally thought I wanted it, more. For the moment, and then quickly threw away the key for good.

I like to throw away creative keys. The are awful disturbing things to deal with if you can’t find the right doors in your head.

As probably seen by those who have seen my work through my time on this blog. You have probably noticed that I have made a lot of more photos in colors lately.

It’s just something that began to happen by its own. And I like to follow my guts. Now I seem to like both alike. I used to favor monochromes dominantly. But not anymore.

But it’s some kind of love and hate relation. Colour photos are more demanding in the post process. With b/w, it’s easy to change the scene and mood. In colour, everything becomes more sensitive and behaves differently. And far more options to choose and consider.

Changing contrast and temperature, for example, is nothing that makes a uniform change that easily results in what you’re looking for, that just fits every shot you’ve made. All the colors must somehow cooperate with the wholeness to bring the mood and harmony you are looking for.

It’s harder to find a consistent flow that works overall. At least for me.

And as you know, I seldom really know what I’m looking for. Making things unnecessarily complicated. I actually suck in post processing. I have an awful disoriented workflow. I need to do something about that.

With monochrome, things flow more easily when making changes. You just have to look for how the raw light and shadows embrace each other. My guts are better connected with monochrome.

Still, I just need to do my photos in color because I want to. Probably some kind of subconscious thing going on in my head.

I will probably make a Chapter Three – the monochrome edition later on. But for now, this is it.

If All the World’s a Stage

 

For moments I felt like a postcard tourist. In between like the introverted odd eremite.

A good combination. I like to move between the surface and the depths of my mind, quickly, whenever I feel for it. Never stay too long in either position of my mood.

You see more and feel more. Get perspectives and understand things better. Both about life that surrounds you, and yourself.

If all the world’s a stage. Identity is nothing but a costume:: Sense8 – episode 10, season 3.

 

Reasons

Took the long way to buy me a mouse. Need one for my laptop. I have never been a big fan of using the touchpad. Unless just scrolling and some clicks are all that’s needed.

So stupid small thing, time better spent buying online. But if you can combine it with a good reason, it’s worth more than the reason itself.

Or was the other reason the actual reason to buy the mouse while going away anyway. Sometimes you don’t have to think so much of what is why and is or not…

Sometimes another reason can be a good reason to do the other one while doing the other one.

Oh my, this is going nowhere. What I mean is, if you need to go away to fix something but are not that very motivated doing it. Take your camera with you and do the other stuff meanwhile.

This makes the time spent much more interesting. The camera makes you observe your surroundings while life is happening. At least if you like doing street photography.

At the same time, it can be a trap. Making your shooting a mission can easily become a compulsive behavior and a mental blocker. Your wishes of what you want to need will choke your creativity. And you will probably be blinded by your own frustrated thoughts and miss a whole lot of intuitive moments passing by.

I don’t say that I’m very good in mastering this myself. But I try more and more, not going out just to find something to shoot.

Aiming for other reasons while getting out shooting. Like experience the world just as it is. Maybe while on your way buying a mouse.

Make your photography into something that happens intuitively. Not controlled by forced thoughts of what to shoot.

Everything happens for a reason (this includes what’s not happening, for a reason). Philosophical, not spiritual.