I have no style and never had, maybe never will. More than through a few series of shots when I feel for a more wrapped feeling. It have nothing to do with that I don’t want to add a more personal identity to my photos in general.
This is, as usually, yet another confused post of my thoughts. This time about my search for identity in my photography. But also some words about digital vs analog, and what is freedom of choice. All photos in this post are old analog photography, shot with my iPhone, made with as little touch up as possible to look just as they do physical. Some photos, of me, like the cover photo and me lightning a cigarette, is not my shots. They are made by friends that borrowed my camera. I often used to let others make photos with my camera back in this time.
It would actually be a big relief if I could find my own style and stick to it because it would simplify my life as a photographer a lot.
The problem is that I change my mind too easily of how I want things and quickly get bored when I repeat myself in same patterns. I wish it wasn’t so. But that’s how I am.
And that’s the huge drawback of digitalism that gives you almost endless freedom of choice. Not bad as in bad, but bad as in freedom of confusion.
The possibilities with the digital format is almost endless. How do you find the perfect choice out of billions of ways how to treat your photography? Especially when you know that in the same moment you find that perfect it’s no longer perfect anymore – it can always be better. Or better in a different way – in eternity.
For a person like me these possibilities are not of any help but Help!
In this case, the time of analog photography was far more easy to deal with. You had to work hard to tame the circumstances and create possibilities instead of be given them. Same, same but different you may think. But think again – it’s a big difference between be given and creating possibilities.
And I think that creating possibilities is far more creative and satisfying than be given possibilities. Somehow I think we actually get less creative and simple minded when we are given to much freedom. Making us spoiled and craving or confused.
A false conception of freedom that kidnap and capture our mind in a readymade jail of identities.
But no hard feelings, after all. I’m not an reactionist, definitely not. This is just a personal issue of myself and my own problems with myself in conjunction with my relationship with the digital photographic format.
But I can’t help it. I still love the heart and soul of analog film and workflow more. So why don’t I just shut the fuck up and go shooting analog film? I’m actually thinking about it, a lot. Going back doing it. But not completely retro – doing both.
Cause, after all. I actually really like the possibilities with digital photography. Not at least the simplicity – just shoot, shoot and shoot, being childish creative, experiment, just do it and the instant fail safe process in the making of the final photography.
No waste of money on failure and no time consuming struggle with chemicals and dark places to hide and wait and see the result. That’s worth al lot in comparison to think about. Just focus on the making of photography here and now.
At the same time. You lose the art of of slowing down when everything is about instant pleasure. The waiting involved with the analog workflow has its own values.
My biggest problem is – finding my analog soul in the digital format. My heart is there, but I haven’t found my soul in the creation of my identity. How I want it to look like.
Another problem with digital photography. The quality is often too good, to close to almost perfect that it almost feels sterile. Like you have deleted the filter of emotions between the camera and life and get a technical anatomy of reality without flaws.
I still hold on too tight to the amazing quality that my camera is capable of. Feeling guilty if I scramble my photos too rough and degrading the quality at free will. This is my number one mission to deal with – how to kill the presence of too much technical quality aspects.
But I don’t think I will find the origin of myself in my photography through this expedition either but more versions of my many myself.
Maybe I just should keep on experimenting and vary my photography as I do. What if that’s my style and identity. After all, my personality is of a restless changeable nature. So maybe that’s my way.
The future is unknown, so meanwhile I just do as I do. Why try to be and do something I don’t know is what I want.
I think I will know the day it happens. But probably just another for the moment.