I have no feelings for humans, lately. Not together anyway. I can feel it through my camera. They can bee there but it’s not them. Still I want them to be there, somewhere.
I’m walking in my footsteps. See things more as I used to do. At the edge of silent satisfaction on the border of melancholy. Don’t worry I’m happy. I actually like this mode.
It makes you aware of that you have feelings that needs attention. It usually happen when I don’t know what I want. So I just do. Because I know that it is the distance between me and my soul I feel and that we need to calibrate the rhythm of life.
This mood have always been a particular close relationship with deep impact on me when into photography. I really don’t know why or how. I assume it happens because that when I make photography I’m more aware about myself and the life around me than anything else is capable of.
It makes me feel everything, and it makes me feel everywhere. Pretty much the same as lost.
When I was in my teens I used to have hard times through those feelings. Like I was lost in a world of found. Where was I supposed to be? The famous meaning of life.
I’m still connected to my old deep space. Sometimes I go unplugged and pretend that I belong to the happy happy people at their frequency. But I’m not one of them.
Either am I the dark minded one. I used to be, still like the shadow that dwells in our subconscious mind. But the demons are now converted into stoic angels. I won that fight with a laugh and creativity. Luckily I have always been driven to the need of creating and have a sick sense of humour.
I have learned to play with my feelings. I have learned how to be in two different moods at the same time. I always see the good in the bad and the bad in the good. But never lower your guard, there are unpredictable feelings everywhere.