To do and be, or not to do and be

Took a tour to the bigger city this time with my camera. It’s nice to live in Mölndal because in many ways it’s closer to Gothenburg than the most parts of Gothenburg itself. By that I mean the more central parts of the city.

Unfortunately the weather was extremely boring (no surprise). Dull, dull, grey, snowy, rainy, wet and chilly. The only kind of good was wet. Swedish winter in this region is anything else but exciting. Wet pavements at least tweaks up the contrast to give some kind of interesting touch beyond boredom.

But, thats more a matter of attitude and skill and a challange to adopt, not an excuse to blame on. Not that I am a master of either all times, but I know to shut up, knowing that it is up to myself to decide how and what to do about it. Failure is often a result of bad attitude, and sometimes bad attitude try to convince you that you have failed – are you really shure?

I have lost a lot of my former secure feeling working with a more advanced camera. I have been using my iPhone for the last more than five or more years. Therefore I go with my settings on total auto for the moment. But today I tried to make some use of the exposure compensation, with the result that I forgot to change it between the shots sometimes. If you don’t need to control shutter speed or aperture this probably is the most simple way to control the exposure.

My biggest obstacle when it comes to photography in public is that I have always felt very uncomfortable doing it. This is a mental block that no one else but me can change, and I know it. I have a history of being extremly shy since childhood. Even if my confidence and self esteem is lightyears better nowadays and is no longer a problem, the next step – pointing the camera at people and catch them feels like a huge mountain.

Maybe my drawing towards street photography is some kind of subconscious challange that some hidden part of my head have given me. That I should get out there and try street photography. A kind of self therapy to overcome my last big wall and finally tear it down.

All I know so far about street photography is that I’m to unsecure in my own head. Today was no exception from this knowledge (notice my own pitfall here). The first hour was just a walk through, wondering – what the fuck how, I can’t do this!

 

So I went talking to the seagulls and the pigeons for a while instead. They where very kind and made me feel much more comfortable in the world. I kind of disappeard and got invisible for a while and forgot for a while that I was walking around like a strange nerd with my camera pointing at birds.

This was an intersesting reflection, and reaction. The birds made me more comfort walking around with my camera in public. The birds didn’t solved the problem. But they made the next step a whole lot easier – to at least lift up the camera in front of people in crowds. Without selcting any specific persons, I’m not quite ready for full confrontation yet. But it happened “accidentally” once when I took a shot randomly at a bus stop.

 

I also tried random shooting from hip level or sneaking in awkward angles at the monitor to hide my intentions. But that felt weird and even worse. It actually felt more comfortable when I used the viewfinder than sneaking. Almost that I was hidden behind a wall between me and the world outside when my eye looked through the viewfinder. That was a surprising feeling and something I didn’t expected to happen. Using the monitor didn’t feel that effective at all compared to the viewfinder in this case.

Overall conclusions of the day was – Not so bad at all. Could be better, but actuallay I had no great expectations for the day but try to work with myself first of all. And I learned a couple of invaluable mental techniques to remind me of and make use of.

Even if I took quite a lot of photos, very few became of any value to save. Mostly of those on people went quite boring. But sometimes even not so exciting, boring, blurry, almost of no significant value at all, for anyone. Hide something strange that live its own life beyond the ordinary, worth to keep, and even share (I know, thats nothing but a personal opinion).

 

 

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